I was basically a child bride at nineteen and divorced two years later.
Like many others, I married a horrible person. I really do feel bad for the random girl he knocked up while we were married though.
I saw plenty of red flags waving high before the wedding, but I was nineteen and stupid, so I ignored them. I wish I hadn’t.
Wait, no I dont.
That experience prepared me for the meaningful relationship I’m in now, ten years later.
I’ve been able to turn my anger from a nasty relationship into gratitude, and it feels so much better. My fiancé should thank my ex-husband too.
I recognized the signs, I just thought they would go away. Like somehow, if I was a good enough wife I could make him a better person.
A piece of shit will always be a piece of shit, no matter how much you spray it with air freshener.
One of our worst fights started with me surprising him with dinner and ended with broken kitchen tiles and shattered picture frames. I made white cheddar mac’ n cheese, and apparently, he wanted the regular kind.
No matter how bad the fights got, I still wanted to marry him. It crossed my mind several times before we exchanged vows that it was a mistake. Lucky for him, it all happened so fast.
He was getting deployed and I didn’t want to be forgotten about during his tour in the sandbox. We got married before there was time for our relationship to dissolve. I pushed it to the back of my head and told myself that if it came down to it, we could just get a divorce.
And that’s exactly what we did.
I have never once had that thought with Matt, the man I am going to remarry in two weeks.
Here’s the difference.
My current partner is nothing like the previous sociopath I married. He is a good person and genuinely wants to see me happy. He treats me like a queen and is incredibly kind. I know that when we inevitably go through hard stuff in the future, he will put in the work necessary to make it through.
I don’t have the same cold feet with him as I did with the other asshole, and I have never once thought “Well, I can just get divorced if it doesn’t work out.”
Instead, I’m thinking about ways I can overcome those obstacles with my husband-to-be. When bad moments arise I’ll know it’s something that we can work out, instead of blaming it on marrying someone with a hateful heart.
For a while after my divorce, I felt bitter. I was angry at him for wasting my youth. I’m actually kind of glad it happened now, and my fiancé should be too.
I’m glad that I was getting to know myself during the years I spent with someone that was never fit to be a husband, instead of with my current partner. By the time Matt and I met we both had been through some shit, but became strong individuals because of it.
My verbally abusive ex was a big part of that, and for that, I am grateful. I don’t ever want to see him again, but if I did, I would have to thank him.
Without his bullshit, I might not realize how amazing of a person my fiancé is, and I would never want him to feel unappreciated.
I guess you have to see the rain to appreciate the sun and have bad days to appreciate the good ones.